I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
