then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
why is half of my head shaved?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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