Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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I think my nap took me to another dimension
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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