We named our party play list daddy issues
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
