Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
