I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
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He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
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I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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