...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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