just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
