So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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