Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
