Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
