Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
50% drunk capacity currently
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
