i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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