He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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