I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
