apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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