he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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