I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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