Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
