Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
