I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
