i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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