Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
