i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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