eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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