I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Say something about gay babies.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
