So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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