Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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