Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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