so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
