ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
