What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dick very happy bro
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