I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
