I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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