I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
