All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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