Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
