420 ftw
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
