i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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