After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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