great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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