Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
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you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
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No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize