I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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