Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
