I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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