i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
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My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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