Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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