I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
my poor anus
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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