there's paper in my vomit.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
