Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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