dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
