i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
