i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
