he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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