Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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