I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize