I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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