im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Are these your boobs on my camera?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
