Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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