i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
