apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
