dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
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