I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
