I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
