So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
