for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
