my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
