dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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