I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
should my penis look like a turkey
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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