OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
