her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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