Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
