Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
