After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
