I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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