well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
