I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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