I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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